dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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