So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
