Sponge bath it is.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
