I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
