there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We left the knife in your bed.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
