My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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