We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
