i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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