I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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