i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
