I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
