you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Randomize
