She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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