Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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