I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
