I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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