I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
