highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
