Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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