Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
