So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
