the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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