we're blogging at a bar
Can Purell be used as lube?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
