he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
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Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
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I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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