help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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