So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
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You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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