I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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