I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
