You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
