I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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