my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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