It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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