So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
