Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
