dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
