Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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