Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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