She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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