Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
