DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
