I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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