yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You were trust falling into bushes
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
