guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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