he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
