I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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