He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
