i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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