...so i touched it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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