she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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