and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
