and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
