We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
