i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize