have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
