i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
