The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
