so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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