It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
