We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
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no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
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I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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