My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
