If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
