your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
