I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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