Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
