Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
